Suspicion is like a pair of sunglasses - it makes all the world look dark.

Comments and silent responses overheard at an Al-anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting.

• “Deb, let’s have lunch tomorrow.” - Why would she want to have lunch with me?
• “Pam, I tried to phone you today.” - No you didn’t, I was home almost all day.
• “Larry, you sure are a kick!” - What did he mean by that?

When we suspect the motives of others, who have done nothing other than to make a friendly comment, we would do well to suspect that we are the one with the problem. When we recognize it’s our insecurity at play here, we can begin to override the negative self-talk with positive talk.

At first we may have to force ourselves to reply, “Yes, I’d love to have lunch,” or “Thank you,” to a compliment. As our self-esteem grows it will become natural and genuine to assume people mean what they say.

I will try not to read negatives into comments by others.

“If you don’t love yourself, nobody else will. Not only that - you won’t be good at loving anyone else. Loving starts with the self.”

A Kiss Is A Kiss - Or Is It?

Research shows that information conveyed by a kiss can have profound consequences for romantic relationships, and can even be a major factor in ending one.

Recent research reveals that many college students have found themselves attracted to someone, only to discover after they kissed them for the first time that they were no longer interested. In other words, while many forces lead two people to connect romantically, the kiss, particularly the first kiss, can be a deal breaker.

The study also found sex differences in the importance and type of kissing. Males tended to kiss as a means to an end — to gain sexual favors or to reconcile. In contrast, females kiss to establish and monitor the status of their relationship, and to assess and periodically update the level of commitment on the part of a partner.

In a sample of 1,041 college students, researchers found only five who had never experienced romantic kissing and more than 200 who estimated having kissed more than 20 partners.

According to the researchers, not only do females place more emphasis on kissing, but most would never engage in sex without kissing. Females were more likely than males to insist on kissing before a sexual encounter, and more likely to emphasize the importance of kissing during and after sexual encounters as well. By comparison, males said they would be happy to have sex without kissing, and far more males than females expressed a willingness to have sex with someone who was not a "good" kisser.

Males, however, were more likely than females to initiate open mouth kissing and kissing with tongue contact. The researchers speculate that the exchange of saliva during kissing may have biological consequences in its own right. Male saliva contains measurable amounts of the sex hormone testosterone which can affect libido.

The authors conclude that the study provides evidence that romantic kissing evolved as an adaptive courtship strategy that functions as a mate-assessment technique, a means of initiating sexual arousal and receptivity, and a way of maintaining a bonded relationship.

This story is from a press release issued by University at Albany and was published in the August 2007 issue of Evolutionary Psychology.

Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality And Spirituality

Brain Differences Seen in Children from Alcohol-Dependent Families

A new study shows that children from families with several generations of alcohol dependence exhibit differences in their brain when compared to children without a family history of alcoholism, Reuters reported June 8.

For the study, 17 teenagers considered high risk for alcohol dependence because of a strong family history of alcoholism underwent MRI brain scans. The results were compared with MRIs from 17 teens without a family history of alcoholism.

The study found that teens with a family history of alcoholism had a smaller amygdala, the right side of an area of the brain that controls basic emotions. "When we looked at some of the children who hadn’t had any drugs or alcohol to speak of, the same pattern of smaller right amygdala volume was seen," said Dr. Shirley Y. Hill of the University of Pittsburgh. "Why the right amygdala? We are not sure."

The amygdala is part of a "reward circuit" within the brain, which is associated with some addictive behaviors. Hill explained that a smaller amygdala could indicate a developmental delay that affects this circuit.

"The paper is the first demonstration that a brain structure that is part of a circuit that is involved in both emotion and cognition may be smaller in adolescents from families with a high loading of alcohol dependence before they drink," said Hill.

The study’s findings are published in the June issue of the journal Biological Psychiatry.

An Alcoholics Anonymous member is an alcoholic who through application of and adherence to suggestions laid down by the organization, has completely forsworn the use of any and all alcoholic beverages.

A.A. is not interested in sobering up drunks who are not sincere in their desire to remain completely sober for all time. A.A. is not interested in an alcoholic who want to sober up merely to go on another bender, sober up because of fear for their jobs, their wives, their social standing, or to clear up some trouble either real or imaginary. In other words, if a person is genuinely sincere in his desire for continued sobriety for his own good, is convinced in his heart that alcohol holds him in its power, and is willing to admit that he is an alcoholic, members of Alcoholics Anonymous will do all in their power, spend days of their time to guide him to a new, a happy, and a contented way of life.

It is utterly essential for the newcomer to say to himself sincerely and without any reservation, "I am doing this for myself and myself alone." Experience has proved in hundreds of cases that unless an alcoholic is sobering up for a purely personal and selfish motive, he will not remain sober for any great length of time. He may remain sober for a few weeks or a few months, but the moment the motivating element, usually fear of some sort, disappears, so disappears sobriety.

From; A Manual for Alcoholics Anonymous, From AA Group No. 1, Akron, Ohio, 1940.

Australian Blogging Conference

To be held at the Queensland University of Technology in Brisbane, Queensland on 28 September 2007

Strong Link Between Problem Drinking and Gambling

A new study reveals a strong link between alcohol dependency and gambling problems, Reuters reported Dec. 17.

According to researchers at the Research Institute on Addictions at the University at Buffalo, N.Y., adults with an alcohol addiction are 23 times more likely to have a gambling problem than those who do not drink.

"If you’re in trouble with alcohol, the odds you’re also in trouble with gambling increase enormously," said lead author Dr. John W. Welte. "Most of that correlation is that problem behaviors tend to cluster in the same people."

The study also found factors that identified which racial and ethnic groups were more likely to have a gambling problem. "Gambling is more common among lower socioeconomic people, blacks and Hispanics, than among whites," Welte said. "That’s not true of alcohol and drug pathology necessarily. It’s a demographic pattern that’s unique to gambling."

The study was based on a nationwide telephone survey of 2,638 adults conducted between August 1999 and October 2000. The survey asked participants about their personal experience with gambling.

The study is published in a recent issue of the Journal of Studies of Alcohol.

WHAT IS CODEPENDENCY?

Co-dependency is often experienced by children of alcoholics, wives or husbands of alcoholics and even parents of alcoholics. The beliefs and thoughts often follow patterns such as these. These can be found in extended familes.

• My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
• My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
• Your struggles affect MY serenity.
• MY mental attention focuses on solving YOUR problems or relieving YOUR pain.
• My mental attention is focused on PLEASING YOU.
• My mental attention is focused on PROTECTING YOU.
• My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to "to do it my way".
• My self-esteem is bolstered by solving YOUR problem.
• My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving YOUR pain.
• My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing YOUR interests and hobbies.
• YOUR clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel that YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF ME.
• YOUR behavior is dictated by my desires as I feel that YOU ARE A REFLECTION OF ME.
• I AM NOT AWARE OF HOW I FEEL. I am aware of how YOU feel. I am not aware of what I want. I ask what YOU want. IF I AM NOT AWARE I ASSUME.
• The dreams that I have for MY future are linked to YOU.
• My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
• My fear of YOUR anger determines what I say or do.
• I use GIVING as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
• My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with YOU.
• I put MY values aside in order to connect with YOU.
• I value YOUR opinion and way of doing things MORE THAN MY OWN.
• The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.

Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time

Binge Drinking Damages Brain and Stops Growth

Researchers found that binge drinking not only damages the brain, but interferes with the repair of brain cells, as well, Reuters reported Nov. 15.

Researchers at the Center for Alcohol Studies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill studied inebriated rats. They found that new cell growth in the brain’s key memory center dropped below half of normal following extended periods of intoxication.

"We found that the number of newly-formed cells was decreased by 57 percent when compared to the no-alcohol group," said Dr. Kim Nixon, lead author. One month after alcohol exposure, Nixon said, "the number of newly-formed cells was decreased by 97 percent."

Since rat and human brains are similar in many aspects of structure and function, Nixon said the study’s findings suggest that "high doses of alcohol negatively affect the formation of new brain cells" in humans as well.

The study’s findings were presented at the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience.

A pair of new studies adds weight to the theory that children who suffer from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are at higher risk of problem drinking during adolescence and alcoholism later in life.

"Children with ADHD are believed to be at risk for alcoholism because of their impulsivity and distractibility, as well as other problems that often accompany ADHD such as school failure and behavior problems," said Brooke Molina of the University of Pittsburgh, corresponding author for both studies.

In one study, researchers found that 15- to 17-years olds with childhood ADHD reported being drunk an average of 14 times during the previous year, compared to 1.8 times for adolescents without ADHD. Fourteen percent of the ADHD group was classified as alcohol abusers or alcohol dependent, but none of the youths in the non-ADHD group were.

"It appears that one of the reasons for the past inconsistencies in research is that the ADHD-alcohol relationship does not become solid until at least mid-adolescence," said Stephen Hinshaw, professor and chair of the department of psychology at the University of California at Berkeley. "Later on, it may be that only a subset of kids with ADHD — namely, those with more aggressive or antisocial behavior patterns — are at risk by young adulthood."

Researchers added that parental alcoholism and family stress add to the alcoholism risk for children with ADHD. "One of the reasons that children with ADHD might be at risk for alcohol problems is that alcoholism and ADHD tend to run together in families," said Molina. "We found that parental alcoholism predicted heavy problem drinking among the teenagers, that the association was partly explained by higher rates of stress in these families, and these connections were stronger when the adolescent had ADHD in childhood. So, the bottom line is that when the child has ADHD and the parent has suffered from alcoholism, either currently or in the past, the child will have an increased risk for alcohol problems himself or herself."

The studies were published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research.

References: Marshal, M.P. Molina, B.S.G., Pelham, W.E., Cheong, J. (2007) Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Moderates the Life Stress Pathway to Alcohol Problems in Children of Alcoholics. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 31(4): 564-574;
Molina, B.S.G., et al. (2007) Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder Risk for Heavy Drinking and Alcohol Use Disorder Is Age Specific. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 31(4): 643-654;

Heavy Drinkers More Likely to Get Sex Diseases

Heavy drinkers were more than twice as likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) in the past year than young adults who abstained from alcohol, according to a new study from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).

The Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Substance Use report found that 3.1 percent of 18- to 25-year-olds who reported heavy drinking in the past month had contracted a STD in the past year, compared to 1.4 percent of youths who did not drink in the past month.

The study also found that 3.9 percent of youths who used alcohol and illicit drugs in the past month had contracted a STD in the past year. Youths who used any amount of alcohol or other drugs in the past month had an STD infection rate of 2.1 percent.

In the general population of those age 12 or older, the reported STD rate was 0.8 percent. STD infection was highest among 18 to 25-year-olds, at 2.1 percent. In this age group, women were four times as likely as men to report an STD infection. Among female heavy drinkers, the STD rate rose to 7.9 percent, compared to 1.3 percent of male heavy drinkers.